D3 body, D1 cock
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize