based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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