wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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