I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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