Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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