If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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