can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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