My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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