In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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