i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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