I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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