8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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