Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize