Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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