If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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