this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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