in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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