drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
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stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
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This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
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