let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize