I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize