I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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