I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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