its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
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Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
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I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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