You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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