yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
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It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
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Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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