he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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