Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
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I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
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She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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