it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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