I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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