There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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