Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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