i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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