You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
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i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
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Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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