I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize