I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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