Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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