I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
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he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
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My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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