Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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