i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
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Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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