Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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