I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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