Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize