Ketchup is God's man juice
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
3 2 1 whiskey
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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