Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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