tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
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I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
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I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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