this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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