YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
it hurts more in the daytime
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize