Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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