She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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