Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
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I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
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No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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